Fritz all over now

Why do so many young Germans have non-German names? Kevin and Mandy being two that immediately spring to mind.

There are no official statistics on first names in Germany (I know, it’s hard to believe). However, the authors of this Website claim to have collated the first names of 27,700 babies born at 79 clinics and hospitals throughout Germany. If that’s true, it’s safe to assume it’s a fairly good reflection of the wider picture.

As the random and frequent use of (bad) English in German advertising shows, our Teutonic friends do seem particularly susceptible to transient kitsch fads. Which is harmless enough if it is restricted to being one of 20 million owners of a Wackel-Elvis. But your kid’s name? Your own flesh and blood? The only thing in life you might be proud of? Do you really want to call it Bryan Finkelstein?

In its eternal wisdom, the crowd has seemingly decided that, in a world where mashed potato comes powdered in a bag, people with traditional names are persona non grata. So you’ll be hard pushed to find a Grit, Waltraud, Brunhilde, Helga, Birgit or Ute under the age of 30. If you do, they are probably pitied by their friends, if they have any. Even more moderate names like Petra, Hannelore, or Karin are now relics of the past. It’s all Angelina this and Aaliyah that nowadays.

The boys fare even worse. In 2006, there’s not a Wolfgang, a Jürgen, or a Fritz in sight. In fact, the last time Wolfgang appears on the list is way back in the 1970s. Again, even more moderate, palatable choices like Klaus, Dieter and Hans don’t get a look in. If this list is to be believed, last year, Mustafa, Rasmus, Lennox, Damian and Bryan were all more popular than any of the above. Imagine the horrific combinations. Bryan Schneider. Damian Müller. Lennox Steiner (actually that sounds quite cool, like a superhero).

Clicking on Babynamen der Woche (names of the week) reveals some real shockers. Letizia-Charisma anyone? Or how about Vanilla Ruby Ocean?

There’s also a list of the most popular names from around the world. It’s reassuring to see that not even the Kylies, Skyes, Cailyns, Braedens, Aidens, Jadens and Hadens have dented the popularity of traditional names in the UK. However, there is a strong trash undercurrent in the UK as well, and we learn that there are some lowlifes giving their kids names like Ikea, Bambi and Caramel.

So why do people do it? The media and celebrities must play a fairly significant role. Many take their lead from the Beckhams (Brooklyn and Romeo), the Paltrows (Apple) or the Geldofs (Peaches and Fifi Trixibelle) of this world. Germany also has its fair share of nouveau-stupido celebrities, first and foremost actor Uwe Ochsenknecht, who called his two boys Jimi Blue and Wilson Gonzalez respectively.

But if you’ve got enough money to tell the world to “go do one” it probably doesn’t matter what you call your kids, they will always be well sheltered from the abuse levelled at your average Jordan Bloggs.

Comments

[C N Heidelberg]

Naming in Germany is still pretty good compared to the US. I'd love to see some of those oldies come back, though. I think German names will come back into style in 20-30 names, both in Germany and the US.
If you want to make fun of really awful names you might appreciate this site: http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/index.html

[Prof Shaun T Sheep]

Thanks for the link! I also like this site a lot:

http://www.echtenamen.de/

[C N Heidelberg]

Haha, I meant to say 20-30 years, not names....thanks for the link!! I'm an onomastics junkie.